Deathiversary Week 2017: Day 6

Dear Deathiversary Diary,

    After day 3's hiccup, I feel more "normal" now. I feel kinda bad because the amount of time it takes to put a video together, even with my rushed style, has meant even though I have the first three 8LIEN videos written and the first two recorded, I haven't edited and published a single one yet, and it's day 4 of that week. Being the weekend, Kira was home the whole time, and it was nice to be totally surrounded by all of that stuff again. When she's gone, all I do is putter around the house and have fits and take too many pills. She can't stay home forever, either, sooner or later she'll leave me to my own devices, and so long as the moving company keeps fucking me over I won't be okay. It won't be until I get all my stuff, get unpacked, and get everything in order so we can have a nice little home that I'll really start to feel safe. I sometimes get to start worrying about money, but that's actually doing really well, which is such a relief. No bad people around, either. No pointless button pressing. No shitty moms.
    Speaking of moms, it was mothers day, huh? In the morning, Kira woke up and went to see her mom for brunch. Kira's mom is nice. She's almost literally just an older Kira, it's pretty incredible how similar their demeanor is, and because of it spending time with her is almost just as peaceful and nice of a time. Her dad, though, her dad isn't a bigot per se, but he's waaaaay to similar to mine to feel comfortable at all around him. He's an asshole. He thinks everything ought to be "just so" to fit his style. Anything, every little minor detail, he picks at, and it's never anything good. It's always "well that's a dumb way" or "why don't you do it right" or "why aren't you living up to my expectations?" Worst of all, he's a drag on the whole family. Kira can't speak for herself, she's spineless, a little soft and squishy wimp who lets people push her around. Those personalities don't mix well. It's caused her to shrivel up a bit and I hate it. More to the point, her dad has said stuff to and about me personally that's just straight up fucking insulting. Like, that's the thing you do to people you want to avoid you at all costs? So I do. Since he was there, I didn't go. And I'll never go so long as he's around.
    I watched Mechagodzilla II while she was away, well... sort of. Mostly I was keeping caught up on my writing, which is actually what I'm doing most of the time these days. After she got home, we watched Space Godzilla, Destroyah, and G2k together, and ordered some fun sushi. There's a place nearby that delivers, it's our favorite sushi place up here, and they have a roll called the "Godzilla roll." Naturally, I couldn't go through Deathiversary without my Godzilla roll. After G2k was over, we played some quake (3 and that champions beta... why don't they all it Quake V again? Because they're dumb?) and afterlife.
    It was a fun, lazy sunday. Godzilla movies, writing about Godzilla movies, Alien movies... writing about alien movies... sushi, video games, and two weird dorky lez transgirls goofing around. It was a nice time. I'm here with her because I want every day to be like this. I don't want to go back to the way things were. I'm trying to change things for the better. Frankly, I know that I won't pursue a lawsuit with the movers because I know that will just be more stress and anger and money... I just want it to be over. I just want my stuff back, please. Maybe then I'll feel safe, but for now, Kira's doing her best to help, but it's still a struggle every single day. After what happened with the pills, I still don't fully trust her, but she's all I've got right now. Well, her and Godzilla.


Malyssa, May 14th 2017

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